Don’t just hug your children and cry over lives lost-do something to change it.

Sharing from Kay Otten, Ph. D.

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Dr. Otten's original post and follow up post and related references attached.  Lots of reading, but well summarized and pertinent information from behavior experts in the field of challenging behavior.

Hello Facebook Friends,

All week I have been avoiding the Conneticut shooting story as I just couldn’t stomach the sensationalism of the media. I do generally respect Meet the Press and after watching this morning have to respond. Usually I don’t speak out too much because I don’t feel that I am well informed enou

gh about all sides of most issues but this is a topic I KNOW! The shooter was described on MTP as “always a person apart, never had any close friends, never seemed to be a good fit anywhere, had trouble looking people in the eye, trouble answering questions, trouble fitting in, not a person who maintained normal relationships”. His parents got a divorce (as the parents of children that fit this profile often do due to the stress involved), he lived with his mother although there was great strain in their relationship (also common), and his mother took him in and out of school and eventually home schooled him (again-very common). I work with many kiddos that fit all or many parts of this profile EVERY DAY and have for over 20 years. Let me be extremely clear that I am in no way making excuses for his behavior (violence is never excusable) nor am I saying that all the students I support develop or will develop violent tendencies (a VAST majority will not). What I am hoping to do is help us all understand how future tragedies might be prevented.

During the rest of the program I heard a great deal of debate around gun control and mental health services. I support reasonable gun control restrictions and increased support and education surrounding mental health. Both are important to continue discussing but are not sufficient. Individuals with social, emotional, and/or behavioral challenges are supposed to be receiving a free and appropriate education in the public school system and I can assure you many are not and if they are, the services they receive are not of sufficient quality. There are three cognitive protective factors that inhibit the expression of aggression and violence: 1) empathy, 2) guilt and 3) fear of punishment. These all involve a well developed theory of mind (simply stated- taking the perspective of others) which relates to executive functioning skills such as inhibiting impulses and regulating emotions. All of these are functions of the frontal lobes of the brain which research has shown is wired differently in individuals with a variety of neurological disorders. The problem is the only way that most people think this can be helped it through “mental health services” such as medication and counseling. I am a supporter of both of these when used appropriately and ethically but also know that brain function can be impacted through direct instruction that addresses these specific skills deficit areas and this can be done in schools by teachers, speech pathologists, occupational therapists, etc.

I also have to state that individuals with social, emotional and/or behavior challenges are often targets of bullying and if not actually “bullied” are at the very least, misunderstood and socially rejected by their peers and the adults in their communities. We have all witnessed it. Many of them handle this social isolation by developing strong interests in solo activities such as video games which have become ridiculously violent and are certainly not helping the situation. ALL of us have a responsibility and role in preventing similar tragedies from happening in the communities that we live and there are things we can do IMMEDIATELY. So please, the time is now. Educate yourself and your children regarding the roots of social, emotional and behavior challenges, do not tolerate any form of teasing or bullying in your communities, reach out to children and families that are impacted by social, emotional, or behavioral challenges, and support proactive quality evidence based programming in your schools for social, emotional and/or behavioral needs. This isn’t just special education it also includes school and classwide positive behavior support, social and emotional learning, crisis prevention and anti-bullying programs, and mental health awareness. You can google any of these terms for more information. Our reactive, punitive approach to social, emotional, and behavioral issues in this country are at the root of the problem. We have the highest incarceration rate of any civilized country in the world and obviously it is not working as episodes of violence are continuing to increase at an alarming rate.
Don’t just hug your children and cry over lives lost-do something to change it. We are all part of the solution.

I kept going.

I've been gone a while from Bloggerville. I've been busy with work, kids, school, you know, life. Excuses, I know. I'm pretty good at them.
I decided to blog again. After deciding to run a 5k. I think I've gone crazy; actually, I know I've lost my mind.
I'm just starting to run. I've never been a runner. Or an exerciser of any kind. Sure I did sports as kid and a bit in high school. I kinda did the aerobics thing for a while (not well mind you). I even lifted weights. But all of those were more than a few years ago.
And I don't like to sweat. Worse yet, I don't sweat well. I get all red in the face but don't really sweat how I need to so that my body cools down.
I started with the Couch to 5K program on my phone. Not gonna lie, I've started it about three times. This time I have money in the race (I've registered for a 5k on July 19th...We'll talk another time about the bad choice that was! RUN! in Omaha in the middle of July??? Have I mentioned I can't stand heat?). I've been half-ass working out on the treadmill. I thought I was doing ok. I learned tonight, on my first run outdoors in at least 20 years, that running on the road and running on the treadmill are NOT comparable.
The moral of today's story is that I kept going. Which doesn't seem like much, but if you know what a good starter, but not the best finisher. Not a quitter. Just, not a finisher.
I decided tonight would be my first real run. Keep in mind, I am running and walking in 90 second intervals at this point, so run is a loose term.
I took the dog with me. She loved it. But she kept stepping in front of me. Trying to chase rabbits. Dog stuff. I kept going despite this. I ended up dropping the dog at home before finishing my session. I kept going.
Now, I'm going to tell you something ridiculous, yet very real. It was actually my first realization that running the treadmill and running outdoors are nothing alike. As I started my first run interval, I peed my pants. Yep. I'm running and peeing my pants at the same time. Disgusting? Yes! Embarrassing? Absolutely. I kept going. Even when it happened during my second interval run. After that, I figured I would just ignore and keep going. And I did. I kept going.
So, it looks like running just got more expensive for me. I'll need not only to keep myself in decent shoes, ibuprofen for the aches and pains, but also Depends apparently. I need to depend on me to keep going.